The Arranged Marriage Process in India, from Biodata to Roka

The arranged marriage process in India has seven steps. It starts with the biodata and kundli matching, moves to a family call and the first meeting, then a few weeks of talking and background checks. It ends when the match is fixed at a roka or engagement. From the first biodata sent to the engagement, most families take somewhere between two and six months for one proposal.

No two families follow the exact same order. A Tamil family may match the jathagam before anyone sees a photo, and a family in Delhi may do the opposite. The steps below are the common pattern, with the regional names you will hear along the way.

How Arranged Marriage Works Today

An arranged marriage is a marriage where the families find the match and introduce it, and the boy and girl then decide. The last part has changed the most. Thirty years ago the couple often met once, with everyone in the room. Now most couples talk on the phone for weeks before anyone says yes.

The law has not changed for decades. Under section 5 of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, the groom must be at least 21 and the bride at least 18, and neither can have a living spouse. Families still start their search with these two checks, even if nobody says so out loud.

Here is the whole process on one page:

These times are what we see families commonly plan for. Some proposals move in three weeks. Some take a year because of a long kundli wait or a job transfer.

Step 1, Make and Share the Biodata

The biodata is the first thing the other family sees. It has the name, date and time of birth, height, education, job, family details, and often the star, rasi and gotra. Families in Tamil Nadu and Kerala usually attach the jathagam chart. Families in the north often send the kundli only when asked. Our marriage biodata format page lists these sections in the usual order.

Most biodatas now travel on WhatsApp, as a PDF. They go to relatives and the family priest first. Then to community groups, a marriage bureau and matrimony sites. One biodata can reach 30 phones in a week.

Check it twice. A wrong birth time spoils the kundli match later, and a missing phone number means a good proposal never calls back. If you have not made one yet, pick a biodata design and fill it in, then read our guide on sending the biodata on WhatsApp.

Step 2, Shortlisting and Kundli Matching

Shortlisting is where parents read the biodatas that come in and keep the few that fit. Common filters are age gap, height, education, city of work, diet and community. Many families also keep a short "no" list of their own, such as "no one settled abroad".

Kundli matching usually happens right after shortlisting, before the families call each other. In North India the astrologer checks gun milan, a score out of 36, and many accept 18 or more. In Tamil Nadu the jothidar checks the 10 poruthams, with rajju and nadi treated as the important ones. We explain both in our post on kundli milan for marriage.

Some families skip this step. Others wait. They match only after the couple likes each other. Ask the other side early which way they do it, so nobody is hurt after two meetings.

Step 3, the Family Call and First Meeting

The family call is the first phone call between the two sets of parents. It is short. Ten minutes, often less. They talk about where they are from, what the boy and girl do, and who else is in the family. If the call goes well, the boy's family is invited to visit.

That visit has a name in almost every language. It is ladki dekhna in Hindi, pen paarkkum in Tamil, pelli choopulu in Telugu, pennukanal in Malayalam and kanda pohe in Marathi, after the poha the girl's family serves. The girl's family hosts, there is tea and snacks, and the boy and girl are given a few minutes to talk, often in another room or on the terrace.

Many urban couples now meet first at a cafe, with a parent or a cousin sitting a table away. Both work. Our first meeting tips cover what to say and how long to stay.

Step 4, Follow-Up Meetings and Talking

After the first meeting, each family gives an answer within a few days. Sometimes within hours. A yes at this stage means "let them talk more". It does not mean the match is fixed.

The boy and girl then swap numbers and talk on the phone and on WhatsApp. Usually they meet two or three more times. Sometimes a sibling comes along. This is when the real questions come out: where you will live, money, work after marriage, children. Our list of questions to ask before an arranged marriage groups them by topic and marks which ones to keep for later.

Three to eight weeks of talking is common. If either side feels rushed, say so. It is far easier to ask for one more month now than to break an engagement later.

Step 5, Background Checks

Background checks are what each family does, without much noise, to confirm the biodata is true. Most of it is simple:

1. Call a relative or friend who lives in the same town as the other family.
2. Confirm the job. A LinkedIn profile, an office ID or a salary slip shown in person is normal to ask for at this stage.
3. Ask about any earlier engagement or marriage, directly.
4. Visit the family home, not only a hotel or a hall.
5. For a groom abroad, ask to see the visa and work permit.

If the boy or girl lives abroad, read our guide on NRI marriage fraud before the roka.

Some families also do a medical check at this stage, such as blood group and a thalassemia test. Ask for it politely. Offer to do the same from your side.

Dowry often comes up here, dressed as "what will you give your daughter". Under section 4 of the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961, demanding dowry is punishable with six months to two years in jail and a fine of up to ₹10,000. If you hear a demand at this step, that tells you what you need to know.

Step 6, Roka, Sagai and Engagement

The roka is the ceremony where both families formally say yes, and the boy and girl are "stopped" from looking at other proposals. It is a Punjabi and North Indian custom. It is usually small, at home, with sweets, a shagun (a token gift of cash or clothes) and a few close relatives.

The sagai or engagement comes after, and it is bigger. Rings are exchanged, and in many families the wedding date is announced. In Tamil Nadu the same function is the nichayathartham, where the lagna patrika or wedding letter is often read out. Bengali families hold the ashirbad, where elders bless the boy and girl.

Some families combine the roka and engagement into one day. Others keep a gap of a few months. After this step the families start booking the hall and fixing the muhurat.

The wedding is the end of the process, and the law is clear on when it is done. Under section 7 of the Hindu Marriage Act, a Hindu wedding with saptapadi is complete when the seventh step is taken.

Regional Variations and Timeline

The steps stay the same across India, but the names and the order change:

In families where horoscopes are matched first, the early steps move faster, because unmatched proposals are dropped before anyone travels. Where the couple meets first, more meetings happen, but fewer proposals reach that stage.

If a proposal does not work out at any step, say so quickly and gently. Our guide on how to reject a marriage proposal politely has messages for each stage. More guides are in the arranged marriage section.