Tamil Wedding Rituals in Order, from Nichayathartham to Thali

A Tamil Hindu wedding (thirumanam) usually runs over two days. The day before has the vratham, the nichayathartham and the janavasam. On the wedding morning come the kashi yatra, maalai maatral, oonjal, kanyadanam and the mangalya dharanam, when the groom ties the thali at the muhurtham. Saptapadi, grihapravesam and the maruveedu visit follow.

Most Tamil weddings take place in the early morning, often between 6 and 10:30 am, in a kalyana mandapam. The muhurtham is fixed by the family jothidar after the jathagam match.

Brahmin weddings tend to keep every ritual. Many non-Brahmin families hold a shorter wedding with the thali tying at the centre. The order below follows a typical Brahmin wedding, with notes where others differ.

A Tamil Wedding at a Glance

Fixing the Alliance

In Tamil families the first step is usually the jathagam (horoscope). The two families exchange biodatas with the jathagam attached, and the jothidar checks the 10 poruthams. Our page on 10 porutham for marriage explains how the match is scored.

If the poruthams match, the boy's family visits the girl's home for the ponnu paakkum padalam, the "seeing the girl" visit. Once both sides agree, an elder from each family exchanges thamboolam (betel leaves, nuts, fruits and a coconut) to seal it.

Pre-Wedding Rituals

Panda kaal muhurtham. A few days before the wedding, a bamboo pole is worshipped and set up at the bride's home or the mandapam. The families pray to the kuladeivam (family deity) for a smooth wedding. Wedding work begins from that day.

Pallikai thellichal. Married women fill small clay pots with soil and sow nine kinds of grain (navadhanyam). After the wedding the sprouted pots are released into a pond or river.

Vratham. Each side does a puja at its own end. A kappu, a sacred yellow thread, is tied on the wrists of the bride and groom. After this, many families do not let them leave the venue alone.

Janavasam and nichayathartham. On the evening before the wedding, the groom is taken in a procession to the mandapam. The nichayathartham, the formal engagement, follows. The fathers exchange thamboolam trays, the lagna pathrikai (wedding letter) is read aloud, and the bride receives a saree from the groom's family.

Nalangu. Nalangu is a playful evening ritual. The couple put turmeric and kumkum on each other's feet, roll a coconut between them, break papads over each other's heads, and sing. It is the one ritual where the bride and groom are allowed to compete in public. Some families do nalangu after the wedding.

Wedding-Day Rituals in Order

1. Mangala snanam. The bride and groom have a ritual bath with turmeric and oil before dawn.
2. Kashi yatra. The groom, with an umbrella, a walking stick, a fan and a book, sets out to "go to Kashi" for a life of study. The bride's father stops him and offers his daughter in marriage. The groom agrees and comes back. Everyone laughs, every time.
3. Maalai maatral. The bride and groom exchange garlands three times. Their uncles lift them on their shoulders to make it harder.
4. Oonjal. The couple sit on a swing. Married women sing oonjal songs, feed them milk and banana, and circle coloured rice balls around them before throwing the balls in four directions.
5. Kanyadanam. The bride sits on her father's lap, and her parents give her hand to the groom. Our page on kanyadaan explains the ritual.
6. Koorai pudavai. The bride changes into the koorai saree given by the groom's family. In Iyer and Iyengar weddings this is a nine-yard madisar.
7. Mangalya dharanam. At the muhurtham, with the nadaswaram and thavil playing the getti melam loud enough to drown out any bad word, the groom ties the thali around the bride's neck. He ties the first knot. In many families his sister ties the other two. Guests shower akshathai (rice with turmeric) on the couple.
8. Saptapadi. The groom holds the bride's toe and guides her through seven steps.
9. Ammi midithal. The bride places her foot on a grinding stone (ammi), and the groom slips metti (silver toe rings) on her toes.
10. Arundhati darshan. The couple are shown the Arundhati star, a symbol of a faithful wife. In the daytime the priest points to the sky anyway.

Why Is the Thali Tied with Three Knots?

The common answer is that the three knots stand for the bride's devotion to her husband, to his family and to God. Some families say they stand for thought, word and deed. Either way, the thali is the bride's sign of marriage, and many Tamil women never take it off.

The thali design differs by community. Families from the same caste in the same district often know their thali shape at a glance.

Post-Wedding Rituals

Grihapravesam. The bride enters the groom's home for the first time, right foot first, often kicking a measure of rice.

Maruveedu. A few days later, often on the third or fifth day, the couple visit the bride's home and stay a short while.

Sammandhi mariyadhai. The two families honour each other's elders with gifts and clothes, so that the in-laws (sammandhi) start on a respectful footing.

Non-Brahmin and Self-Respect Weddings

Many non-Brahmin Tamil weddings skip the vratham and kashi yatra, and are done in a few hours with the thali tying at the centre. The muhurtham, the jathagam match and the nadaswaram are almost always there.

Tamil Nadu also recognises the suyamariyadhai (self-respect) marriage, started by Periyar's movement. It needs no priest and no fire. The couple exchange garlands or rings, or tie a thali, before friends and relatives. A Tamil Nadu amendment to the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955 added Section 7A in 1967 to make these marriages valid.

Clothes, Jewellery and Food

The wedding breakfast and lunch are served on banana leaves. Expect idli, pongal and vada in the morning, and a full lunch of sambar, rasam, poriyal, kootu, payasam, vadai and appalam.

Auspicious Months for Tamil Weddings

Tamil families avoid Aadi (mid-July to mid-August) and Margazhi (mid-December to mid-January) for weddings. Many also avoid Purattasi. Thai, Maasi, Panguni, Chithirai, Vaikasi, Aani, Aavani, Aippasi and Karthigai are common wedding months, depending on the year's muhurtham days.

The muhurtham is fixed by your jothidar from both jathagams. You can see the year's marriage dates for your city on Drik Panchang, but the final time should come from him.

A Few Tamil Words, in Tamil

If you are still sending biodatas, our jathagam biodata format prints the rasi, natchathiram and lagnam in Tamil.