The best questions to ask a girl in an arranged marriage are about her ordinary day and her work. Later, ask what she expects from you and your family after the wedding. Start light, ask one thing at a time, and let her ask you back. Her looks and her salary stay out of the first meeting.
This list is written for the boy, and for parents who want to help their son prepare. For questions both sides should ask, by topic, see our main list of questions to ask before an arranged marriage. This page goes further on what a girl usually wants a boy to understand.
Before You Ask Anything
Read her biodata again on the morning of the meeting. It already tells you her education, her job, her family, maybe her hobbies. Asking "So what do you do?" when it is printed on page one tells her you did not read it.
Use the biodata as a starting point. "Your biodata says you work at an IT company in Hyderabad. Which team are you in?" is a far better opener.
Most girls in an arranged meeting are being looked at more than they are looking. The questions below are written to turn it into a two-way talk.
Ice-Breakers
These are easy, low-stakes questions for the first ten minutes. The reason for each is in the second column.
| Question | Why ask it |
|---|---|
| How was the drive here? Did you find the place easily? | Gets both of you talking without pressure |
| What does a normal weekday look like for you? | Shows how her days are spent, and how busy she is |
| How do you spend a Sunday? | Shows if she is a homebody or always out |
| What are you reading or watching these days? | An easy shared topic |
| Your biodata says you like music. What kind? | Shows you read it |
| Which place in your city do you like most? | She talks about something she knows |
| Tea or coffee? | Silly, but it breaks the ice |
A pen paarkkum or ladki dekhna visit at her house often gives you only 15 or 20 minutes alone. Do not spend all of it on ice-breakers. Two or three are enough. Then move on.
Personality and Values
These questions show how she thinks, and they are fine at the first meeting.
| Question | Why ask it |
|---|---|
| Why do you want to get married now? | Tells you if she is ready, or being pushed |
| Who are you closest to in your family? | Tells you whose opinion counts with her |
| What do your friends tease you about? | A softer way of asking what she is like |
| What makes you angry? | Shows how she handles conflict |
| What do you think a husband and wife owe each other? | Her idea of marriage, in her words |
| Is there something you will not compromise on? | Saves both of you time |
| What did you like about my biodata, and what made you unsure? | Honest, and she will often answer honestly |
The last question takes courage. Some boys skip it. Ask it at the second meeting, not the first.
Career and Ambitions
This is the part most boys get wrong. Her career is a live topic for her, and she will notice how you ask.
| Question | Why ask it |
|---|---|
| What do you enjoy most about your work? | Shows what she will not want to give up |
| Where do you see your work in five years? | Her plan, before you share yours |
| Would you want to study further, like a PG or a government exam? | Affects money and time after marriage |
| How do you feel about moving cities for marriage? | The biggest practical question for many couples |
| If my job moves me to another city, what would you want to do? | Opens the relocation talk without demands |
| Would you ever want to start something of your own? | Shows ambition |
| How many hours does your job really take? | Helps plan the home together |
Ask about her work the way you would want her to ask about yours. Do not say "Will you be allowed to work?" or "Will you leave your job after marriage?" Both sound like her career is your family's decision.
If she works in Bengaluru and you work in Chennai, say so early. "One of us will have to move. How do you see it?" is honest and fair. She may have already thought about it more than you have. Let her talk.
Family and Expectations
In an arranged marriage the girl usually moves into the boy's home or city. Her questions about your family are the ones she is too polite to ask first. Ask them for her.
| Question | Why ask it |
|---|---|
| What do you expect from my family after marriage? | Lets her say what she hopes for |
| How do you feel about living with my parents? | Joint or separate is a big one for her |
| How often would you want to visit your parents? | Shows how close she is to her home |
| Who looks after your parents if they need help later? | She may be their main support |
| What were you told about the cooking and housework in our home? | Clears up gossip from relatives |
| Is there anything your family has heard about mine that worries you? | Lets her raise doubts safely |
| Has anyone from my side said anything to your parents about gifts? | Shows you are against dowry before it comes up |
The last question is worth asking even if you are sure. Sometimes an aunt says something on the phone that the boy never hears about. Demanding dowry, even "indirectly", is punishable with six months to two years in jail under section 4 of the Dowry Prohibition Act, 1961. A boy who says "nothing is expected from your family" in plain words, and means it, gives her parents real relief.
If a demand ever does come from either side, the National Legal Services Authority gives free legal advice on its toll-free helpline, 15100, listed on the NALSA website.
Lifestyle
Small habits come up every day of a marriage. Some of these can wait for a phone call after the first meeting.
| Question | Why ask it |
|---|---|
| Are you a morning person or a night person? | Daily life together |
| Vegetarian, eggetarian or non-vegetarian? Same for your family? | Food at home, every day |
| Do you like cooking, or would you rather not? | Without assuming she must |
| How do you feel about drinking or smoking? | Her line, before you share your habits |
| How religious are you? Do you keep any fasts? | Festivals, poojas and fasting days |
| Do you like to travel? Where would you go first? | A happy topic and a real plan |
| How much time do you spend on your phone at night? | Sounds small. It is not. |
| What does a good weekend look like to you? | Tells you what she wants from married life |
| Which festival is the biggest in your home? | Diwali, Pongal or Eid, you will spend it together |
| What do you do when you are stressed? | Music, a walk, a call to her sister |
| Do you want children? When? | Later, at the third or fourth talk |
| How would you like to handle money after marriage? | Later, privately |
That makes 40 questions across five groups. You will use perhaps ten in one meeting. Fine.
Questions to Avoid
Some questions make her feel inspected. Leave them out completely, or save them for much later.
- Anything about her looks, weight, skin colour or height, even as a joke
- Her exact salary, in front of family
- "Have you had a boyfriend?" at the first meeting
- "Can you cook?" asked as a test
- "Will you adjust with my mother?" The word "adjust" puts all the work on her
- Questions about her family's money or what they will give
If a past relationship is important to you, ask it much later and in private. Be ready to answer the same question yourself.
Hindi Version
Ladki se pehli mulakat mein kya puchna chahiye? Here are ten of the questions above, in Roman Hindi, the way most people speak them.
| Hindi | English meaning |
|---|---|
| Aapka normal din kaisa hota hai? | What does your normal day look like? |
| Shaadi abhi kyun karna chahti hain? | Why do you want to marry now? |
| Aapko apne kaam mein sabse achha kya lagta hai? | What do you like most about your work? |
| Paanch saal baad aap apna kaam kahan dekhti hain? | Where do you see your work in five years? |
| Shaadi ke baad city badalne ke baare mein aap kya sochti hain? | How do you feel about moving cities? |
| Meri family se aapki kya ummeed hai? | What do you expect from my family? |
| Joint family mein rehna aapko kaisa lagega? | How would you feel about a joint family? |
| Weekend aap kaise bitana pasand karti hain? | How do you like to spend weekends? |
| Aap kis baat par kabhi samjhauta nahi karengi? | What will you never compromise on? |
| Kya aap mujhse kuch poochna chahti hain? | Is there anything you want to ask me? |
The last one is the most useful question in any language. Ask it before the meeting ends.
Before the Next Meeting
Her biodata tells you what she chose to share. To see what a girl's biodata usually holds, and how her family fills in each field, look at our page on the biodata for marriage for a girl.
For the boy's side of this conversation, read questions to ask a boy before arranged marriage, because she will likely ask you many of them. And for where to meet and how long to stay, see our first meeting tips. Other guides are in the arranged marriage section.
Common questions
What Questions Should I Ask a Girl Before Arranged Marriage?
Start with her day and her work, and why she wants to marry now. At later meetings, ask about moving cities, living with your parents, money and children.
What Should I Ask a Girl in the First Meeting?
Keep it to easy questions about her interests and her job, plus one or two about what she wants in marriage. Leave money, past relationships and children for later talks.
How Do I Ask About Her Career Plans After Marriage?
Ask what she enjoys about her work and where she sees it in five years. Do not ask whether she will be "allowed" to work, or whether she will leave her job.
What Questions Should Not Be Asked to a Girl?
Questions about her looks, weight or skin colour, her salary in front of family, past relationships at the first meeting, and anything about what her family will give.
Ladki Se Pehli Mulakat Me Kya Puchna Chahiye?
Uska din kaisa hota hai, kaam mein kya pasand hai, aur shaadi se kya ummeed hai. Paise aur purane rishton ki baat pehli mulakat mein na karein.
Sources
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