Bengali Wedding Rituals in Order, from Aashirbaad to Bou Bhaat

A Bengali Hindu wedding (biye) runs over three to four days. Pati potro and aashirbaad come first, then aiburo bhaat, dodhi mongol and gaye holud. On the wedding evening the order is bor jatri, saat paak, shubho drishti, mala badal, sampradan, yagna and sindoor daan. Bashi biye, kanakanjali, bou boron, kaal ratri, bou bhaat and phool shojja follow over the next days.

The wedding itself is held in the evening or at night, at the lagna (time) given in the Bengali panjika, the almanac that most families use.

A Bengali Wedding at a Glance

Fixing the Alliance

Bengali families usually exchange biodatas with the kushti or kosthi (horoscope), gotra, gan and rashi. If the two match, the families meet. The pati potro is the formal agreement. A priest writes the wedding date and time on paper, and the elders of both families sign or accept it.

Pre-Wedding Rituals

Aashirbaad. The groom's elders visit the bride and bless her with dhaan (paddy) and durba (grass), and give her gold. The bride's elders do the same for the groom on another day.

Aiburo bhaat. Aiburo means unmarried, and bhaat means rice. Family and friends host a last meal for the bride or groom, with all their favourite dishes, served on a large brass or silver thala.

Dodhi mongol. Before sunrise on the wedding day, married women go to a pond or river to fetch water and invite the goddess Ganga. The bride and groom are fed curd (doi) and flattened rice (chira). After this they fast until the wedding.

Gaye holud. The groom's turmeric ceremony is done first. Some of the turmeric used on him is sent to the bride's home, along with the tattwa, trays of gifts that include a saree, sweets, cosmetics and a fish dressed as a bride. The bride's gaye holud is done with that turmeric. Our page on the haldi ceremony compares it with haldi in other states.

Shankha porano. Married women put the shankha (white conch shell bangles) and pola (red coral bangles) on the bride's wrists. A Bengali married woman traditionally wears them for life.

Wedding-Day Rituals in Order

1. Bor jatri. The groom arrives with his family and friends (the bor jatri). He wears a white topor, a tall crown of shola pith.
2. Bor boron. The bride's mother welcomes the groom with a plate (boron dala) holding a lamp, paddy, durba and sweets.
3. Saat paak. The bride is seated on a wooden piri, holding betel leaves over her face. Her brothers lift her and carry her around the groom seven times.
4. Shubho drishti. After the seventh round, she lowers the betel leaves and the couple look at each other for the first time in the ceremony. Shubho drishti means "the auspicious look". It is the photo every family wants.
5. Mala badal. The bride and groom exchange garlands, usually three times.
6. Sampradan. The bride's father or an elder gives her hand to the groom. Their hands are tied with a sacred thread and covered with a cloth while the priest chants. Our page on kanyadaan explains how this compares with other regions.
7. Yagna and saptapadi. The couple sit before the fire, then take seven steps together.
8. Anjali. The bride's brother puts khoi (puffed rice) in her hands, and the couple offer it to the fire.
9. Sindoor daan. The groom applies sindoor in the bride's hair parting. A new saree, the lojja bostro, is then put over her head.

Post-Wedding Rituals

Bashi biye. On the morning after, a few more rituals are done before the bride leaves, often with games and teasing from her cousins.

Kanakanjali. As she leaves her parents' home, the bride throws rice and coins back over her shoulder into her mother's saree end, without looking back. It is a symbolic thank you for everything her parents gave her. The bride's mother catches it. Most of the family cries.

Bou boron. At the groom's home, his mother welcomes the bride. The bride steps into a plate of alta (red dye) and milk and walks in, leaving red footprints.

Kaal ratri. On the first night at the groom's home, the couple do not see each other or sleep in the same room. It is one of the customs that surprises non-Bengali guests most.

Bou bhaat. The next day, the bride serves rice and food to the groom's family, as a sign that she is now part of the household. The groom gives her a saree and a plate of food, promising to provide her food and clothing for life (bhaat kapor). A reception follows that evening.

Phool shojja. The couple's bed is decorated with flowers for the night of the bou bhaat. This is their first night together.

Clothes, Jewellery and Food

Food is the other half of a Bengali wedding. Luchi, shukto, mochar ghonto, fish fry, bhetki or rui fish, mutton kosha, chutney, papad, mishti doi and rosogolla are common on the menu.

Auspicious Months and the Panjika

Bengali families fix the wedding date and lagna from the panjika, usually through the family purohit. Bengali families traditionally avoid weddings in the months of Bhadra, Poush and Chaitra. Some families also avoid the bride's or groom's birth month.

For a first look at the year's marriage dates, see Drik Panchang, then ask your purohit, because Bengali panjika dates can differ from North Indian ones.

A wedding with these customary rites is valid under Section 7 of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955. Register it with the local marriage registrar afterwards.

A Few Bengali Words, in Bengali

If you are making a biodata for a Bengali match, you can make one here. It prints in Bengali script, with gotra, rashi and nakshatra.