Punjabi Wedding Rituals Step by Step, Roka to Doli

A Punjabi wedding usually runs over three to five days: roka and chunni first, then mehendi, maiyan, jaggo and the chooda ceremony in the days before, and sehra bandi, milni and the wedding itself on the main day. Hindu Punjabi couples marry with pheras around a fire. Sikh couples marry with Anand Karaj, four rounds around the Guru Granth Sahib. Doli, the bride's farewell, ends the day.

Most of the pre-wedding rituals are shared by Hindu and Sikh Punjabi families. The table below marks which is which.

A Punjabi Wedding at a Glance

Fixing the Match

Most Punjabi arranged marriages start with a biodata sent through a relative or a matrimony site, then a meeting of the two families. Once both sides agree, the roka is held, a small function where shagun and sweets are exchanged and both families "stop" looking. Our page on the roka ceremony has the gift list for each side.

The chunni chadhana usually follows. Women from the groom's family visit the bride and put a red chunni on her head, with jewellery and clothes. The kurmai, the formal engagement, is held with rings. Many families now combine all three in one day.

Pre-Wedding Rituals

Mehendi. The bride's hands and feet are covered in henna, with the groom's name hidden in the design. Our page on the mehendi ceremony covers it.

Maiyan and vatna. Vatna is a paste of turmeric, besan and mustard oil, applied to the bride and the groom at their own homes. After the maiyan, the bride or groom usually stays home until the wedding.

Jaggo. Jaggo is held on the night before the wedding. Women of the family carry a decorated brass or clay pot (the jaggo or gaagar) with lit diyas on top, and go around the neighbourhood singing and dancing with a stick tied with bells. They stop at relatives' homes, who give them sweets. It is loud, it is late, and it is many people's favourite part of the wedding.

Gana bandhna. A sacred thread (gana) is tied on the wrist of the bride and the groom, in many Hindu Punjabi families.

Ghara gharoli. On the wedding morning, the bride's bhabhi (brother's wife) or sister brings water in a pot from a gurdwara or temple, and the bride bathes with it before getting ready. Many grooms' families do the same.

Chooda and Kalire

The chooda is a set of red and white (or red and ivory) bangles that the bride's mama, her maternal uncle, gives her on the wedding morning. They are dipped in milk and rose petals, and in many families the bride does not see them until they are on her wrists.

Kalire are gold or silver ornaments shaped like umbrellas or bells, tied to the chooda by her sisters and friends. At the end of the ceremony the bride shakes her kalire over the heads of unmarried girls. The belief is that the girl on whom a piece falls will marry next.

Married women traditionally wore the chooda for 40 days, sometimes up to a year. Many brides now wear it for a few weeks or until the first festival.

The Wedding Day

1. Sehra bandi. The groom's sister or bhabhi ties the sehra, a veil of flowers or pearls, on his turban. His sister-in-law applies surma (kohl) to his eyes, and gets a gift for it.
2. Ghodi. The groom rides a mare to the venue. His sister feeds the mare, and is given money for it.
3. Baraat. The groom's family and friends dance in front of the mare, to dhol and bhangra.
4. Milni. At the venue, men of the two families meet in pairs (fathers, then mamas, then uncles and so on) and the bride's side gives each a gift. In Sikh weddings, an ardas is said first.
5. Jaimala. Garlands are exchanged. The groom's friends often lift him up so the bride cannot reach.
6. The wedding itself. Hindu Punjabi couples sit at the mandap for kanyadaan and the pheras around the fire, usually late at night. Sikh couples marry by Anand Karaj in the morning, before the Guru Granth Sahib, and our page on Anand Karaj explains the four laavan.
7. Joota chupai. The bride's sisters hide the groom's shoes and ask for money to return them.

The legal side is simple. Hindu Punjabi weddings are valid under Section 7 of the Hindu Marriage Act, 1955, which accepts the customary rites of either side. Sikh weddings by Anand Karaj are valid under the Anand Marriage Act, 1909, which since 2012 also lets states register them as Anand marriages.

After the Wedding

Doli. The bride leaves her parents' home. She throws puffed rice or coins back over her head, as a wish for her parents' home to stay full. Her brothers and cousins push the car for the first few steps.

Pani vaarna. At the groom's home, his mother circles a glass of water over the couple's heads seven times and tries to drink it. The bride stops her each time, and the seventh time she lets her drink.

Phera pauna. The couple visit the bride's parents' home a day or two later, and return with gifts.

Most families then host a reception, and in many homes the bride does her first cooking, often a sweet dish, a few days later.

What the Punjabi Bride and Groom Wear

The food is part of the identity. Expect makki di roti and sarson da saag at the winter functions, chole bhature for breakfast, and paneer and butter chicken (in non-vegetarian homes) at the dinners. Sikh families often serve vegetarian food at the Anand Karaj and the langar.

Muhurat Customs in Punjabi Families

Hindu Punjabi families usually ask the pandit for a muhurat and avoid periods like Kharmas. You can look up the year's marriage dates on Drik Panchang and confirm with your pandit.

Sikh families do not need a muhurat for Anand Karaj. The Sikh Rehat Maryada asks Sikhs not to choose a date by astrology, though many families still pick a date that suits relatives and the gurdwara's schedule.

If you are still at the biodata stage, you can make a biodata in Punjabi here. It prints in Gurmukhi and 11 other languages.